10 Ways to Get Over Your Breakup More Easily
“The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is.” — Tigress Luv
Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Farouk Radwan. Farouk authors the site, 2KnowMyself.com, and his super skill is focusing on self-awareness and dealing with negative emotions. Here is Farouk on getting over a broken heart …
Broken hearted? … Don’t worry, here are 10 ways to get back on your feet again:
- Kill uncertainty — People usually accept death faster than they accept breakups because they know the deceased isn’t coming back. In short, uncertainty prolongs the pain, and what hurts the most is the uncertainty, not the breakup itself.
- Stay away from negative media — Most people do the same mistake right after breaking up which is listening to music that contains negative suggestions such as “I cant live without him” or “my life is unbearable after her”. These messages program the mind, and prevent a quick recovery.
- Don’t keep yourself busy – Everyone tries to keep themselves busy after a breakup, but research has shown that thoughts that are suppressed become stronger, and then return back. Focus on accepting what happened, not on suppressing it.
- Stop bargaining – Don’t hold your phone and wait for the person to call. Don’t go to the same places you used to go to together in order to bump into them by chance but instead tell yourself that this is over.
- Know that there are other potential partners out there – This one concept is a myth. According to psychology, whenever we find a person who meets the criteria stored in our brain, then we will fall in love with them.
- Restore your social life — Lots of people do the mistake of isolating themselves from friends and relatives when they get into a relationship That makes them 100% dependent on their partner and that’s one of the main reasons they suffer more when they breakup.
- Take your time to express your emotions – Don’t suppress your emotions. Even cry if you feel like it. You have to express your emotions because the burden of suppressing them might add to your negative feelings.
- Stop stalking your ex – Whether its visiting their face book profile or asking about them, these actions will result in giving your mind some more false hope and that would prevent recovery.
- Build self confidence – Sometimes the main reason people feel bad after a breakup is because they feel rejected, not that they really miss that person. Building self confidence would help you feel worthy even if you were rejected.
- Don’t use relationships to escape pain — Were you using the relationship as a way to escape from pain? Some people get into relationships just to escape from the pain they are experiencing in their lives. Be brave, face your life problems and learn how to be in control of your emotions that would help you from becoming dependent on a relationship. Relationship dependency is similar to drugs where people take them in order to escape from pain rather than facing their problems.
What works for you? … What do you know now that you wish you knew then that would have made dealing with break ups, a whole lot better?
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Hoping I don’t find myself in this situation, and don’t expect to. (I better not!) Jim?
But if I did these would be invaluable.
Number three makes a lot of sense. Sometimes human do tend to stuff feelings when bad things happen instead of letting them run their course.
xo
Self confidence was always the key for me. That meant getting back out there and meeting new people. There is a short adjustment period, but after a few days I encouraged myself to get back out and it was the best way to build up my confidence. Action is the only thing that can build confidence.
Hey Farouk & JD,
I find your 3rd point interesting. We are usually taught to distract ourselves after something bad has happened. I think this can work too sometimes, but it definitely doesn’t work if it’s a way to repress our emotions. Repression never works, management does.
@ jannie
Thanks for your comment dear
@Karl
you are right about that Karl, confidence do help a lot in getting over someone, thank u:)
@Eduard
thank you my friend for your addition
This s helps a little but my situation is a bt diferent. See, my boyfriend broke up with me for his ex and on the same day asked her out again. I don’t know what to do when the weekend comes, I won’t have my friends for support anymore untill Tuesday any advice??
Spot on article Farouk. The only thing I could add is what really helped me, getting more exercise. Seriously, when you’re down in the dumps there’s nothing like a good workout to get your endorphins and good emotions flowing.
I think mine is worse because I used a relationship to escape the pain, I have been stalking my ex, I lkie emotional songs and am scared I will not find a better person, and this has been going on for three years now. I wish I knew all these, I would have had a closure by now.
This is great advice. unfortunately for the one who is in the midst of a post-breakup it’s not easy. When there are children involved it’s even harder. And, when you cannot get to certainty that it is in fact over it is nearly impossible.
Right or wrong in relationships we tend to invest parts of ourselves in the other and we take into ourselves parts of them.
It’s been over 3 years and I have not regained the parts of me I have lost, nor have I been able to remove the parts of her that I value so much inside of me.
My wife is diagnosed with trauma related mental/emotional impairments and has left me and our children. She is not getting treatment and will not likely return. She was a great mother and wife. I believe she wishes she could be again but does not see is as at all possible. She is rarely in contact with us and has begun to live a productive, secluded life. She has a job, an appartment and freinds that help her battle with regrets, guilt and the impairments of her mental/emotional state. She does not feel “entitled” to mine or her children’s love, support, or attention.
She is still my life.
My ex has left me with our 3 kids while I was at work, and they have gone abroad. I have not heard of them for prety much 2 months, It is painful because I feel rejected. But somehow I feel good now because she never loved me and her family didn’t like me at all. I am struggling to rebuild my life now which is really very difficult, because of the fear. I am working hard on my self confindence
um grateful 4 this, i now realize more pain is caused by rejection not breakup itself.bin doing this uncounciously n i must say they are the best steps to heal…its still hurtin but slowly getting there
I broke up only a weel ago and yes it seems like the end of the world. When your world is collapsing right infront of your eyes, you lose the ability to think and when all the dust settles down, we start thinking about how to restart. I am not yet over the shock but I am making a list of priorities in my life. He kept me waiting for 3 years and left me saying that we are not meant to be……I am sane enough to try and get over it but I am hurt very deeply. I don’t have to hate him but I hope one day he will value what he has lost.
Reading above posts, your pain is a lot bigger than mine so it wil help me recover a lot sooner.
Thanks.
I agree with number 9. I spend a LOT of time at the gym. I always feel better after a dance class or Zumba class. Regularly scheduled Weight lifting helps, too, to get stress out of your body. I get such joy out of working out. It reminds me that life is meant to be enjoyed. I’m sad (and sometimes depressed) that my boyfried does not want to go thru life’s journey with me any more, after 6 years. But I try to do other things that are interesting to me and keep me busy. I DO believe in staying busy. ‘Disagree with #3.
right now im in the middle of trying too keep my relationship together my partner is talking too someone else an has expressed being in love with me but say wishes she was single so she can date this person. What does a person do
After my break up I struggled to focus or concentrate on anything. The TV was full of people making up or breaking up and songs were even worse. What saved me was card games on my ipad. Never really was a big game player but I found that with the card games nothing reminded me of him and I only had to focus for a few minutes at a time. You tube was quite fun as again I could watch stuff that kept me focused for a few minutes at a time. Just look up random things that you always meant to look up. NLP, how to apply my eyeshadow. Even watching what you should and shouldn’t do after a break up really really helped.
Absolute number one rule, no contact. I know thats not always possible but try to cut the ties, give him his stuff back. If you need to communicate answer short and formally. It will make you feel more in control and it will do their head in because they will be thinking how did she get over me so quickly, maybe I made a mistake, perhaps she didn’t love me etc.
Oh and the other thing I did was go on broken hearts forums because I realised that others were feeling the exact pain as me, some after being with the partner for years and having kids. My heart just went out to them and I found myself writing back and telling them it will be OK and time will heal etc, which in turn help me.
Everyone always says go out and socialize it might be the right thing to do but I wouldn’t have any friends left after being a miserable cow for a few months.
Make a list of things you want to do in the future that don’t include them, do positive affirmations. But I also agree when it’s time to cry let it out for as loud and as long as you can. I tend to do it in the morning then its easier to get on with the day
thanks many many thanks.now i fell so comfortable.