12 Practices for Improving Likeability

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12PracticesForImprovingLikeability

In my previous post, Likeability is a Skill, we learned that likeability is something you can work at and invest in, just like working out.  We also learned that improving your likeability, improves your quality of life.  Now it’s time to turn that into action.  Great, so how do we get going? …

In the book, The Likeability Factor: How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life’s Dreams , Tim Sanders shows us how to improve our likeability by working on 12 key practices.

The 4 Likeability Factors
According to Tim, the 4 factors of likeability are:

  • Friendliness
  • Relevance
  • Empathy
  • Realness

12 Practices for Improving Likeability
The following table summarizes 12 practices you can work on to improve your likeability, according to Tim:

Category Key Practices
Friendliness
  1. Observe No Unfriendliness.
  2. Develop a Friendly Mind-set.
  3. Communicate Friendliness.
Relevance
  1. Increase Your Frequent Contact Circle.
  2. Connect with Other’s Interests.
  3. Connect with Other’s Wants and Needs.
Empathy
  1. Show an Interest in How Others Feel.
  2. Experience Other’s Feelings.
  3. Respond to Other’s Feelings.
Realness
  1. Be True to Yourself.
  2. Be True to Others.
  3. Share Your Realness.

I’m finding that it’s a healthy set of practices.  It’s an interesting blend of staying connected to others, while being your best version of yourself.  It’s about finding common ground, and focusing on that, as well as building bridges, rather than starting from differences or focusing on flaws.  At the same time, the key is keeping it real and being true to you.  It’s not about being fake or people pleasing … it’s about genuine connection.

Photo by studiosmith.

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11 COMMENTS

  1. Very prescriptive and practical. Starting to practice this right away.
    Thanks for sharing

  2. Hi JD. This is great; just tweeted and starred it. These principles are definitely worthy of practice and I like how it has been presented. It’s easy to take in and easy to focus on separate areas at a time. Would be great to know that other people are practicing this. The more the merrier… literally.

  3. I find that not intruding to another person’s space can also help improve likeability. I am not quite sure which category it will fall under. But I have got instances of people who try to invade my privacy.

  4. If you keep this up, I won’t need to buy the book! 🙂 I love that you’ve outlined the ways to improve likeability. I think they’re all great ideas and would work well for almost everyone. Thanks for sharing more about the book here.

  5. The one that really resonated with me at the moment was the “observe no unfriendliness”. I think that is a great point. I realize it is open to all kinds of interpretations but that just adds to it. I think when we focus on the negative of a situation, we just do not move beyond it and we become stuck. So I think it is important to just not give power to those who are not so friendly.

  6. @ Alik

    If you can share any success stories along the way, that will be great.

    One distinction I didn’t really call out is that I think likeable and competent wins over likeable and incompetent. And you can imagine that likeable and incompetent wins over unlikeable and competent and especially over unlikeable and incompetent. So competency is a key factor too.

    @ Davina

    Thank you. I think you’re right … likeability snowballs and spreads.

    @ Evelyn

    I know what you mean. I think that falls under empathy. I think it takes empathy to know when you’re invading space and to understand and care how it makes someone feel.

    @ Positively Present

    It’s the tip of the iceberg and you’ll want the book. It’s a rare gems with a nice combo of stories, insight and action. In fact, I added it to my Best-of-the-Best category on my Amazon shop.

    @ Nadia

    Really good point on how focusing on negative changes what you get. To add to that, you can use time as a focus too. For example, you can shift to the past, the present, or the future. To shift to the future (which is opportunity), you can ask questions like, “how to make the most of this relationship?” or “how to have the best experience?”

  7. This touches on one of my pet topics. Likability and happiness go hand in hand. Most people like happy people. And happiness is all about expectation, you have to let it happen.

    Life tends to fulfills reasonable expectations. If you carry the expectation and attitude that Life will treat you badly, it will. For many it’s a Catch 22 all too often, life treats them badly so their attitude changes for the worse. They don’t see the trap they have fallen into, they don’t see how it is of their own construction.

    When push comes to shove, we are who we want to be. We may not choose the circumstances but we choose how we internalize them. We choose to be the person we are, ever minute, ever second of the day.

    So often we don’t examine the choices we make, especially the slow and continual ones, the ones we make every day.

    If your haven’t wandered off, now is a good time.

    So the question is: Are you your own worst enemy, or your own best friend?

    If you don’t know the answer, choose one. If you don’t like the answer, choose the other. It’s the choice that matters.

    Know the expression: You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink?

    You are the horse. If you want to change your life you have to choose to do so, you have to choose to drink.

    Once you have made a choice, you can make a change.

    The next question is: How do I do it?
    You may know the answer, you may not
    1) read books like the one this blog post is about
    2) speak with a professional on the topic
    3) ask your friends
    4) ask your family

    —-

    The advice looks really good, I may by this book for my boss and give it to her when I leave. She only focuses on the negative.

  8. We can always respond and interact with those categories and practices, every day, and it will always make a difference.

    Tim Sanders is one of my favorite writes, and his Love Is The Killer App is still a game changer for me. I like the way The Likability Factor meshes so well with it, in heart and action.

    The world can always use a few more Love Cats. Why not us?

  9. Hi J.D.

    This is awesome. You are spot on with the 4 main point break down and the sub title for each main point… you nailed it right on the head.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Giovanna Garcia
    Imperfect Action is better than No Action

  10. @ BlindWanderer

    I really like the way you framed it. It really is about choice and we’re the sum of our decision. Those little decisions really do add up.

    @ Melissa

    Thank you! I agree – genunine makes all the difference in the world.

    @ Earl

    The more I read Tim’s work, the more he impresses me. He’s so down to Earth, and he provides such actionable, relevant content. I’m a fan.

    @ Giovanna

    It’s really an information model for likeability. Tim did a great job framing and naming the space.

Comments are closed.