Dr. Rick Kirschner (aka Dr. K) shares how to bring out the best in people.

One of the best lessons I learned in life, I learned from foosball. During a competitive match, I kept going for the long pull. The long pull is a beautiful shot. It’s like poetry in motion. The problem was, I kept missing all my shots. Finally, my partner pulled me aside and said, “Hey, don’t always go for the long shot. You’ll miss all the beautiful short and middle along the way.”

Your personal belief system can work for you or against you. When it’s working against you, your mood is subject to whatever is going on around you. You feel a sense of entitlement. Love is a requirement for your self-esteem. You take things personally or try to control the world around you. You’re a perfectionist and nothing is ever good enough.

When your personal belief system is working for you, your self-worth is not based on your achievement. You don’t seek others for approval. You’re able to find happiness inside yourself. You don’t feel entitled to everything. Love is not a requirement for your happiness or self-worth.

I’m always on the prowl for useful insights.  A colleague, Dustin Andrew, has a useful post, Learn to Get Traction in Your Team.  I like his collection of tips, and I found myself using the phrase, “iterate more, plan less” a few times.  When I joined Microsoft, one of my rules was “avoid analysis paralysis.”  I avoid analysis paralysis by taking action, producing results, and changing the approach as I learn.  I’ve learned to improve by versioning perfection over time.  I find it’s easier to settle for “good enough’ for …

My favorite definition of power is, “the ability to act.” So personal power is the ability for you to take action. Self-belief is the energy that drives you to take action. Self-efficacy is your belief about how much you can control your own actions and the events that affect your life. One of the worst enemies of personal power is, learned helplessness — why bother if you can’t get results? That’s why self-efficacy is so important. If you have confidence in your ability to get results, you’ll take action and build momentum.

What’s the difference between motivation and discipline? I like to think of discipline as “what to do” and motivation as “why to do.” Discipline has a Latin root, but the gist is it’s about teaching. So I think of self-discipline as teaching yourself self-control and shaping your behavior, so that you’re not a slave to your motivations. Primal motivations served us at one point, but society’s changed what survival means. For more precision, you can think of discipline as shaping your thinking, feeling, and doing to adopt a new behavior. Discipline serves you most when motivation says do otherwise. At the end of the day though, I think a key is to find ways to link things to feeling good.

What is success? I know success means a lot of different things to different people. We each need our own definition of success. Depending on where you set your own bar, you can feel successful every day or you can be setting yourself up for a no win situation. Your success doesn’t need to impress others. Impress yourself first. Here are a few definitions of success you can draw from …

What’s your story? No, not once upon a time … what’s your story of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going? Your stories package and share your experience. They help you stand out if you share the right things. What are the right things? Share your unique experiences, your values, and your strengths … and even relevant flaws. Your human after all and everybody has flaws. It’s not what happens to you, but how you respond and you’re the author of your life. Choose your adventures. Write your stories with might. Lead yourself first and use your stories to guide yourself and others.

How do you change your focus? Change the question. It’s that simple. Changing your focus is a skill you can use to improve your results in any situation. Lately, I’ve found myself helping more people change their focus. When you’re up against a wall or life’s got you down or your facing the unexpected, you need a way to change your focus. Asking yourself the right questions is the solution. It works because thinking is just asking and answering questions. If you ask yourself better questions, you get better answers. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself.

As a leader, you need to tell 3 stories: 1) your personal story, 2) a group story, and 3) the dream story. Your personal story communicates your beliefs and values. The group story helps create a shared sense of destiny. The dream story inspires people to a better future. Whether you’re a leader of a small team or large group, have these stories under your belt. If you lead a family, you can use the 3 stories too. If you just need to lead yourself, then have a personal story and dream story to remind yourself who you are and to inspire yourself to where you want to be.

I created a browsable list of my favorite motivation quotes. Everybody needs a little inspiration now and then. I find that quotes and sayings are a great way to share insight and action. Sometimes, just the right words, said just the right way, are just the lift you need.

One of my favorite training sessions this past year was called “Why Should Anyone Be Lead By You?” One of our exercises was to figure out our unique differentiators by looking at our life experiences. In other words, what unique skills or experiences do we bring to the table, that are relevant for this particular situation? Everybody has a story–hopes, dreams, wins, losses, and lessons learned. We write our stories a page at a time. Ultimately, it’s not how the stories end, but what we carry forward that matters.

You can use the 80/20 Rule to improve your life. The 80/20 rule simply means that you focus on the 20 percent of the activities that produce 80 percent of the value. This means letting go of the activities that bog you down, in favor of the activities that lift you up. To do this well means first knowing what you do well and then being able to let the rest go. Once you’re willing to let things go, you open up a lot of options.

Are you in the right career based on your strengths? You can use your strengths as a guide to help you figure out which jobs to test and which jobs to avoid. For example, it’s tough to be in marketing if you’re not a people person. If you like knowledge work, you might find you enjoy software. You can use your strengths as another lens to help you chart your course. If you’ve ever felt like the elf that wanted to be a dentist, take heart that following your strengths improves your chances for success.