"Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are." — Oscar Wilde

If you’re not getting what you want, you might not be asking the right way.

It’s an easy trap to fall into.  It’s easy to ask, but it’s not so easy to ask well.  It takes practice.  Even with practice, I still fall into the traps of asking too generic a question, or asking the wrong person.  However, I catch myself faster, and it’s easy to course correct, because I know what asking intelligently looks like.

In Unlimited Power : The New Science Of Personal Achievement, Anthony Robbins writes about asking intelligently and precisely to get the results you want.

How To Ask More Intelligently
According to Tony, here are the steps:

1. Ask specifically
2. Ask someone who can help you
3. Create value for the person you’re asking
4. Ask with focused, congruent belief.
5. Ask until you get what you want

It looks simple right?  That’s the beauty.  The challenge is to apply it.  For example, when you ask specifically, really figure out what you need.  A way to do this is to figure out, what do you need somebody to do.  What’s the action?

When it comes to asking somebody who can help you, find somebody who has actually solved the problem you have, or has the resources to help you.  It’s fun to share problems with friends, but if you need results, check that you’re asking who can actually help.

People help those who help themselves.  They also help people who bring something to the table … a game of "tradesies."  They also want to know what’s in it for them.  If you can create value, so it’s not just one-way, you up level your game, and create the win-win.

Show a little conviction.  If you’re waffling in what you want, then it’s hard for people to sign-up to help.  Ask with focus, and believe in what you ask for.

Keep asking until you get what you want.  But don’t keep asking the same way if it’s not working.  Change your approach.  Maybe you need to ask a different question.  maybe you need to ask a different person.  Maybe you need to find a more valuable proposition.

My Related Posts

• Precision Model for Language Pitfalls
• Choose "How" Questions Over "Why" Questions
• Outcome Questions
• Framing Compelling Arguments

Photo by Eleaf.