Editor’s note: Meet Jim Camp. This is a guest post by Jim on how to use the power of “No”, to negotiate more effectively.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from David Straker on how to influence and change behavior. David is an expert on influence and change.  He is the creator of ChangingMinds.org and author of  Changing Minds: In Detail, where he shares his wealth of insight and action on the art of change.
Not very long ago, David and I had been discussing effective ways to persuade.  I had said to David that a rule that worked for me is, “Win the heart, and the mind follows.”
David responded that where …

Managing change and the art of change management. Find out the best lessons learned in managing change from one of the world’s leading experts.

Knowing how to V-Team with skill helps you make things happen. It’s also one of the best ways to scale your impact. When you partner and pair with other people, you can bite off more than you can chew alone. With a V-Team, you have a team of capabilities versus a team of one.

“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.” —
Aristotle

Judo is a Japanese martial art meaning “gentle way.”

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” — Ken Blanchard

Have you ever had a hard time trying to convince somebody of something?

“Persuasion is often more effectual than force.” — Aesop

If you hear something multiple times is it true? … Do you find yourself believing something that originally you didn’t believe because you didn’t trust the source?

One of the most helpful frames we’ve found at work for focusing meetings or presentations is:

Know – What do you want them to know?
Believe – What do you want them to believe?
Do – What do you want them to do?

I’ve noticed some conversations just go a lot easier with some people, but I wasn’t sure why. Recently, a colleague pointed me to an article, Dialogue: The Power of Understanding by Dr. Ann McGee-Cooper. The article has a nice way of framing types of conversations. Some conversations are about exploring ideas, while others are about a winning argument or a winning idea. Once you know the nature of the conversation, you can adapt the conversations, adjust yourself, or avoid it altogether.

One of my favorite take aways from my Influencer Training is Vital Behaviors. Vital behaviors are the smallest set of actions that lead to the results you want. They are the few high-leverage actions that if you keep doing, produce the outcomes you’re after. Vital Behaviors are key to change efforts whether you are trying to change yourself or something larger (your team, your organization, or the world.)

The six sources of influence model is a powerful model for change. I first learned about the Six Sources of Influence from my Influencer Training at Microsoft. The Influencer Training is based on the book, Influencer: The Power to Change Anything , by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. The more I walk through the model, the more I appreciate it.

How do you get the people on your side or inspire a vision or change the world? First win the heart. I’m blogging on this because it’s a lesson I’ve learned that shows up in so many ways, time and again. I see it in thought leaders. I see it in people leaders. I see it in everyday, conversational exchange. This is one of those ah-ha’s that when it sinks in, you find opportunities to apply it every day to improve your effectiveness.

One leadership style doesn’t fit all. According to the Situational Leadership II model, the leadership style depends on the development levels within the team. Some people might need more motivation while others need more capability. A quick cutting question to ask is, “do they want to do it?” Another question to ask is, “do they know how to do it?” These two questions can very quickly help you figure out the right approach.

If you coach others or you need to encourage change or if you need to change yourself, the key is to use questions. Lead others to their own insight or your advice may fall on deaf ears. You know the saying, “you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” Part of the reason is, asking questions puts people into a more receptive state. When people have their own “ah has” it actually creates an emotional link. This helps the insight stick. The key of course is to ask the right questions.

I’m realizing more and more how stories help you drive a point home. It’s one thing to make a point, it’s another for your story to make the point for you. If your ideas aren’t sticking, or you’re not getting buy in, maybe a compelling story is the answer.
Stories at Work
Crafting useful stories is an art, and, now, apparently a science. Srinath pointed me to Stories at Work on 50Lessons.com. The video shares a story about using stories as a catalyst for change and a recipe …

Why do people resist change, even when it’s for their own good? Well, believe it or not, your own body can actually work against you. The good news is, if you know how your body works, you can make changes easier, or at least know what to expect. David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz write about two reasons why people resist change, in their article, “The Neuroscience of Leadership”, in strategy+business magazine.

Why do many leadership efforts and organizational change initiatives fail? The state of the art is not the state of the practice. Luckily, there are some new insights that can help shape new management practices. David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz summarize some counterintuitive conclusions in their article, “The Neuroscience of Leadership”, in strategy+business magazine.

Photo by clspeace
Given the economic climate and some horror stories I’m hearing, I’m refocusing on some patterns and practices for feeling good.   I think motivation is one of the most crucial skills you need throughout your life.  Even if already have motivation techniques that work for you, this is a set of expert techniques from the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated , by Dr. David Burns.
Thought PatternsBefore reviewing the motivation techniques, you should be familiar with the following thought patterns:

10 Distorted Thinking …

Photo by Rafael Amado Deras
I got some relevant training for today’s world.  The training was “Influencing without Authority” and it was based on the book, Influence Without Authority (2nd Edition).   The focus was how to succeed when you don’t have authority and control over execution.  This is a common scenario in cross-team, cross-group scenarios.  At Microsoft, you don’t get rewarded by saying, “…if only I had control over authority and execution … I would be successful.”  
This training is actually useful beyond just the work scenarios.  You can …

Photo by SqueakyMarmot
If you need to be persuasive, you need to know this secret.  It’s how people who influence without authority improve their effectiveness.  The secret is … character trumps emotion trumps logic.  If you win the heart, the mind follows.  On the other hand, if you win the mind, the heart doesn’t always follow.  For an example of character, think about the impact of the right people in the room asking the right questions. 
When you know this secret, it all makes sense.  You didn’t need more data …