This is a guest post from Rob Boucher on his lessons in love. In the spirit of Valentine’s day, I asked Rob to write a special guest post on the best lessons he learned in love. I asked him to put down on paper, the most insightful lessons on love that he now knows, that he wish he knew back when he was starting out in life.

“What do I say when it’s all over … And sorry seems to be the hardest word.” — Elton John

Mistakes happen. People fall down. What’s important is how you get back up. This is really geared towards leaders and pro-active repair, but I think the frame below is useful in many everyday situations. It’s powerful because you’re owning your mistake, you’re acknowledging it, and you’re finding a way forward. What you resist persists, and dwelling doesn’t help.

Knowing the source of conflict is one of the first steps to dealing with it effectively. It’s easy to blame communication as the source of conflict, but it’s not always the case. In fact, it usually isn’t. For example, communication is the source of conflict when styles get in the way, or there are misunderstandings about intent.

“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” — Dr. Laurence J. Peter
A crucial conversation is any conversation where the stakes are high, emotions run strong and opinions vary.  If you can master crucial conversations, rather than fear your tough conversations, you’ll kick-start your career, strengthen your relationships, and improve your health.   How do you improve your crucial conversations? …
In Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler show you specific principles and …

Ask, mirror, paraphrase and prime are four power listening skills.  In Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler write about asking, mirroring, paraphrasing and priming to build rapport, stay connected, and listen more effectively.
4 Power Listening Tools (AMPP)
AMPP stands for:

Ask.  Ask the other person what’s really going on.
Mirror.  Mirror means describe how the other person looks or acts (e.g. you seem upset, you seem angry at me). 
Paraphrase.  Paraphrase what you’ve heard using your own words.
Prime. Prime means take your …

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it." — Voltaire
What do you do when you disagree with another person’s stories or facts?   
In Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler write about using your ABCs to agree, build and compare your views when you disagree with the other peron’s facts or stories.
Key Take Aways Here are my key take aways:

Agree when you …

Tell me you’ve never had a difficult boss to work for? Even if you work for yourself, I’m sure you’ve had days where you’ve hated the boss. Well, what if there were patterns of these “difficult bosses,” and, if you knew them, you could either avoid them or you could work more effectively with them. In fact, you could even work with your own “inner boss” more effectively.
Coping with Difficult Bosses
In the book Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Bramson not only names these difficult bosses, but he shows you how …

In an effort to please people and avoid confrontation, Yes People say “yes” without thinking things through. They react to the latest demands on their time by forgetting prior commitments, and overcommit until they have no time for themselves. Then they become resentful. In Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst, Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner write about how to deal with Yes people.
Your Goal
Get commitments you can count on. Brinkman and Kirschner write:
“Your goal with this problem …

How do you turn an unkept promise into a learning opportunity and strengthen a work relationship? How do you turn a promise fulfilled into a memorable experience? In Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst, Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner write about how to make a meaningful difference in people’s lives and strengthen work relationships.
When Someone Does Something They Promised
How do you turn a promise kept or a task completed into a memorable experience Brinkman and Kirschner write …

How do you prepare for a coping conversation with a Difficult Boss? While there are times and places for spontaneity and unrehearsed candor, a coping conversation with a Difficult Boss is seldom one of them. Knowing that you’ve worked out a handy map for finding the best path through the unknown territory will lessen your apprehension and add to your confident that you can cope with your boss effectively and safely. Equally important, a plan will avoid your applying the wrong technique to the wrong problem. In Coping with Difficult …

“Thinking is more interesting than knowing, but less interesting than looking” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
You improve your communication with others when you can match their thinking style.
You can also avoid rubbing your boss the wrong way by paying close attention to how they approach the tasks of the day.
In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Bramson identifies five thinking styles to categorize our modes of thinking and problem solving we use most frequently.
Key Take Aways Here are my key take aways:

Seek first to understand, …

Do you work for a bulldozing, Expert Know-It-All boss? . In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with Expert Know-It-All difficult bosses.
Expert Know-It-Alls
Expert Know-It-Alls equate accuracy and thoroughness with competence, are unforgiving of minor errors, and tend to have little understanding or patience with the irrational aspects of human behavior such as feelings, wishes, and intuitions. Because they are knowledgeable, and because they thoroughly research and carefully plan everything they do, they often leave their less-linear-thinking subordinates feeling vaugely inadequate. In fact, the most frustrating …

Do you work for a Power-Clutcher, Paranoid or Perfectionist? Most of us relish the glow that follows skillful accomplishment. But when our supervisors hold the reins of their authority too tightly — making every decision, directing every move — the opportunity for solid achievement just isn’t there. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with three types of difficult bosses that hold the reigns too tightly: Power-Clutchers, Paranoids and Perfectionists.
Power Clutchers, Paranoids and Perfectionists
Power Clutchers, Paranoids and Perfectionists are usually the result of a complexity …

To do a good job in any organization, you need to know where you’re going, how much authority you have, and how well you’re doing. Your boss is supposed to supply this information. Unfortunately, some bosses are “Artful Dodgers.” In previous posts, I focused on the Staller and the Waffler. In this post, I’ll focus on the Super-Delegator. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with Super-Delegators.
Super-Delegators
Do you work for a Super-Delegator? Super-Delegators are mistakingly confident that they are firt-rate managers, because they are super …

To do a good job in any organization, you need to know where you’re going, how much authority you have, and how well you’re doing. Your boss is supposed to supply this information. Unfortunately, some bosses are “Artful Dodgers.” In a previous post, I focused on the Staller. In this post, I’ll focus on the Waffler. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with Wafflers.
Wafflers
Wafflers are like Stallers in that they are supportive, but fail to stand up. The key difference is that while Stallers …

To do a good job in any organization, you need to know where you’re going, how much authority you have, and how well you’re doing. Your boss is supposed to supply this information. Unfortunately, some bosses are “Artful Dodgers.” One such type is the Staller. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with Stallers.
Stallers
Stallers have high standards and concern for the wellfare of others. They are immobilized by conflict. They seldom breach a topic that will provoke a strong negative reaction. They often turn this …

Do you have a difficult boss who overwhelms, intimidates, or generally runs over those that work for them? One such difficult boss is the Fire Eater. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with Fire Eaters.
Fire Eaters
Fire Eaters are characterized as irritable, moody, hot-tempered, and explosive. Those who work with them, see their bosses switch from reasonable to rabid with disconcerting rapidity. Fire Eaters’s sudden and often seemingly unprovoked outbursts are the product of two simultaneous events: feeling personally threatened while, at the same time, …

Do you have a difficult boss who overwhelms, intimidates, or generally runs over those that work for them? One such difficult boss is the Ogre. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson writes about how to cope with Ogres.
Ogres
The Ogre and Fire Eater difficult bosses openly attack, with little provocation, driving their victims into silent confusion or speechless rage. Ogres are the product of three personal factors: a thinking process that is attuned to rapid and confident decision making, a need to feel powerful and influential, and a hidden – …

You can only influence others when you see them as they are, not as you wish they were. In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Brahmson explains that “understanding from the inside” helps you more effectively cope with difficult bosses.
Key Take Aways
Here’s my key take aways:

Make sense of behavior. It’s easy to simply hate behavior we don’t agree with.  Instead, try to make sense of it.
See people from the inside.  Form a picture in your own mind of how they see the world.
Understanding does not mean approval.  The purpose is to …

In Coping with Difficult Bosses, Robert Bramson writes about the most common circumstances where normal people can look, feel, and sound like a difficult boss: crossed expectations, behavior blindness, and interactional accidents.
Crossed Expectations
Crossed expectations happen when an employee and manager expect different things, particularlly around how authority and responsibility are divided up, especially “how much” and “what kind.”
Bramson makes the following points regarding cross-expectations …

Managers and those they manage usually have widely different notations about their respective roles, and especially about “how much” and “what kind” of authority was handed …