I’ve been asking people inside and outside Microsoft what their definition is of … the good life. I think it’s important, so you know what it is when you’ve got it, or you know what is is that you’re chasing, so you can make smarter choices.

If you want to lead an optimistic life, learn to argue with yourself. The secret of optimism is not positive thinking. It’s non-negative thinking, according to Martin Seligman in the book Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life.

This is my collection of happiness quotes. I think quotes are a great way to share the wisdom of the ages and modern day sages. I think a good quote is a like a good song … it means something to you, maybe even beyond the original intentions. By filling your quiver of insights with inspiring quotes, you have more to draw from in any situation.

Editor’s note: What does somebody who spent a year test-driving principles, tips, theories, and scientific studies on happiness think are the real keys to happiness? That’s what I wanted to know. This is a guest post on lessons learned in happiness by Gretchen Rubin. Gretchen is a best selling author and former lawyer. What’s interesting to me about Gretchen is that she studied happiness by making it a project. During The Happiness Project, Gretchen spent a year test-driving lessons in happiness from Aristotle to Oprah.

Last week, I picked up the book The Likeability Factor , by Tim Sanders. It’s a book about how the single biggest improvement you can make in your life is likability. From winning elections to having the best job … it’s all about likability, based on research. The more likeable you are, the happier your life will be.

You don’t need to get what you want to be happy. You can be just as happy if you don’t get what you want, as you can if you get what you want. It’s not just sour grapes. You can manufacture your own happiness. It’s synthetic happiness. Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, teaches us that synthetic happiness is just as real and enduring as real happiness. Dan also teaches us that our longings and worries are overblown because we have the capacity to create happiness within ourselves rather than depend on experiences.

Happiness is a skill you can develop. Some people are born happy, while others have to work at it. Some have to work harder than others. Rather than work harder, work smarter. Luckily, with all the focus on happiness, we now have a better body of knowledge to draw from. Carlin Flora shares a collection of patterns and practices for skilled happiness from a variety of sources in her article, The Pursuit of Happiness, in Psychology Today.

Photo by clspeace
Given the economic climate and some horror stories I’m hearing, I’m refocusing on some patterns and practices for feeling good.   I think motivation is one of the most crucial skills you need throughout your life.  Even if already have motivation techniques that work for you, this is a set of expert techniques from the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated , by Dr. David Burns.
Thought PatternsBefore reviewing the motivation techniques, you should be familiar with the following thought patterns:

10 Distorted Thinking …

Photo by Pathfinder Linden
A friend of mine sent me an email titled “Twelve Little Laws of Life.”   The laws were short and sweet and I was impressed.   I hunted down the original author Tom Hoobyar.  Tom said I was free to republish the laws.  Here are the 12 laws of life, followed by my take on them. 

The 12 Little Laws of LifeHere’s Tom’s 12 little laws of life:

SELF-MANAGEMENT AND PEOPLE SKILLS ARE THE KEYS TO YOUR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS.
YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE. STAY THERE!
WHAT …

Photo by Grzegorz ?obi?ski
Well, it’s the holiday season, so I thought I’d share some lessons from old St. Nick.   Santa has always been one of my heroes.    Granted I never thought much of his outfit and never wanted to dress like him on Halloween, but all in all, he’s a great role model in other areas.  Everybody’s got their strengths and weaknesses.  While fashion’s not his forte, he’s got that relentless positive attitude and a contagious laugh.
The thing is, you can learn something from anybody if you want …

Is smart a criteria for happiness?  Not at all.  It’s your frustration tolerance.
This point rings true. I think the meta-point is that it’s not about lowering your expectations about things; instead it’s about improving your ability to deal with things that don’t go as planned. Another way to put it is, raising your bar over what you choose to let frustrate you, goes a long way for your happiness.
In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes that it’s not your intelligence, but your frustration tolerance …

“Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.” — Hebbel
You can find your passion and figure out what you truly enjoy doing by using a Pleasure-Predicting Sheet.  Can you really predict just how much you’ll enjoy something or not? The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet is a technique you use to record your estimated expected pleasure against your actual pleasure. You schedule a set of activities that contain a potential for personal growth or satisfaction. You do some of them by yourself and some with others. You predict your pleasure …

A low frustration tolerance can cause unhappiness and a bad mood in a lot of situations. One of the keys to feeling good is improving your frustration tolerance.  Improving your frustration tolerance helps improve your mood.  You can be happy and find happiness in a lot more situations simply by improving your frustration tolerance.  I think the key here is resetting your expectations and using selective intolerance. If there’s certain things you can’t change, you’re better off resetting your expectations. For things that you want to improve, you can lower …

How do you get your motivation back?  You need to first know the negative thought patterns that take away your motivation.
In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns identifies thirteen negative motivation patterns.
Key Take Aways
Here are my key take aways:

Add a buffer for tolerance in your day to day.  Rather than get frustrated when things go wrong, ask how yourself how you might avoid it next time.  For example, if you’re always late because you get stuck in traffic, leave earlier.  When things go wrong, learn …