One of the most helpful frames we’ve found at work for focusing meetings or presentations is:

1. Know – What do you want them to know?
2. Believe – What do you want them to believe?
3. Do – What do you want them to do?

For example, when our patterns & practices team at Microsoft would prepare to give a business review, the team building the slides would brainstorm on the 3 questions above.

I’m a fan of question-driven approaches, and the technique above has proven very effective for focusing a room of passionate people.  Really, you can think of it as creating “shared goals”, just with more precision and focus.  The goal of course, in our case, was “tell an effective story” about what our group does and why execs or business leaders should care.

Personally, I found the simple frame to work for just about any meeting where I need to “sell” an idea or get folks on board.

Photo by Reinante El Pintor de Fuego.

I’ve noticed some conversations just go a lot easier with some people, but I wasn’t sure why.  Recently, a colleague pointed me to an article, Dialogue: The Power of Understanding by Dr. Ann McGee-Cooper.  The article has a nice way of framing types of conversations.  Some conversations are about exploring ideas, while others are about a winning argument or a winning idea.  Once you know the nature of the conversation, you can adapt the conversations, adjust yourself, or avoid it altogether.

Dialogue, Debate and Discuss
Ann offers 3 labels for conversations that you can use to help understand what’s going on::

• Dialogue
• Debate
• Discussion

Dialogue is Listening with an Open Spirit
A dialogue is listening with an open spirit.  There’s no set idea.  It’s about listening with an open mind and asking questions that lead to understanding (the goal is not to win.)  Ann writes:

The first and most difficult task of dialogue involves parking the ego and listening with an open spirit.  From this receptivity can come questions which lead to understanding.

Debate is a Verbal "Fight"
A debate is verbal "fight." It’s about winning an argument.  Ann writes:

Dialogue is the opposite of debate, a verbal "fight," the goal of which is to win an argument by besting an opponent.  The focus is on listening for flaws in the "opponent’s" argument rather than listening to understand something new or from a different perspective. Ego is typically at the center of this win-lose conversation.

Discussion is the "Breaking Apart" of Issues
A discussion is the "breaking apart" of issues.  It’s about  pushing a winning idea.  Ann writes:

Dialogue is also different from discussion, the "breaking apart" of issues, individuals or situations to gain agreement.  Discussions tend to be fast-paced, persuasive conversations in which one person tries to convince the other of a point of view or solution. Ego, control and power over others are often at the forefront of this style of talking.

How To Change to a Dialogue
If you need to shift to a dialogue, you can ask yourself, how might that be true, to get curious and park your doubting mind for the moment.  If you need to shift somebody from a debate or discussion to a dialogue, then first listening until they feel they’ve been heard (empathic listening), and then shift to solution-focused questions.   Ann offers 3 questions that can help you shift to dialogue:

• What is it you see that I don’t?
• How do you see this differently and why?
• Please help me understand from your perspective.

Sometimes it’s just too personal, and you can break the loop by either putting it on a whiteboard (it takes the focus off of you and puts it on the whiteboard), or by using a facilitator who can help make sure everybody’s ideas are explored.  I’ve successfully used facilitators for some politically charged meetings.

Characteristics of High Performing Teams
Ann provides characteristics of high performing teams that achieve effective dialogue.  I’ve summarized some of them here:

• When tempers flair, people look for ways to build bridges.
• Restate strong, toxic statements to clarify meaning in a respectful manner.
• When two people get in a shooting match, a 3rd party steps in to find a 3rd alternative, or capture the best of each perspective.
• Rather than sweep issues under the rug, surrounding partners clarify meaning, calm emotions, and introduce respect for differences.
• Take a time out when there’s strong differences, and resume to collaborate instead of compete.
• Clarify the different points of view and then sleep on it.
• Posing good questions to open up thinking and slow down polarization.

From experience, I can say these techniques work in practice.  In fact, they can be surprisingly effective.  Sometimes it’s simply a matter of feeling heard or understood.

My Related Posts

• How To Improve Your Crucial Conversations
• How Might That Be True
• How To Use the Six Thinking Hats

Photo by pasukaru76.

One of my favorite take aways from my Influencer Training is Vital Behaviors.  Vital behaviors are the smallest set of actions that lead to the results you want.  They are the few high-leverage actions that if you keep doing, produce the outcomes you’re after.  Vital Behaviors are key to change efforts whether you are trying to change yourself or something larger (your team, your organization, or the world.)  In fact, change efforts often fail because they either focus on the results but don’t identify the specific actions to get there, or they spend time and energy on a bunch of actions that are good ideas, but aren’t the vital few.

I like to think of the vital behaviors as the MUST actions vs. the SHOULD or COULD.  For example, if I want to get my body in fighting shape, I need to workout 4 times per week.  If I want to write a book, I need to write and edit daily.  I can do a bunch of other supportive behaviors, but if I don’t do these vital behaviors, I don’t get the results I want.  Vital Behaviors cut to the chase.

Key Points
During training, we learned the following points on Vital Behaviors:

• Behaviors are actions, not results.
• Behaviors are actions, not qualities.
• Ask what behaviors would demonstrate that a particular value is being lived.
• If it isn’t actionable, it isn’t a behavior. If you can’t go and “do it”, it’s not a behavior.
• Just because it’s a behavior doesn’t make it vital.
• Look for the fewest behaviors that lead to change.

Vital behaviors depend on context, so while some may be reusable or generic (such as a pattern or proven practice), others will vary from individual to individual or from project to project or from situation to situation.  The key is to test what works.

How To Find Vital Behaviors with Larger Projects
We learned a few ways to find Vital Behaviors with larger projects:

• Check with local experts.
• Scan the best and most-cited articles and research.
• Search the Internet for most-cited experts.

How To Find Vital Behaviors with Smaller Projects
We learned a few ways to find Vital Behaviors with smaller projects:

• Determine your crucial moments.
• Find the behaviors in those moments that affect your results.
• Conduct mini-experiments.

Testing for Vital Behaviors
You can test whether you identified Vital Behaviors by asking yourself the following:

• Can you go and “do it”?
• Do they stop self-defeating and escalating behaviors?
• Do they start a reaction that leads to good results? (the domino effect)

Examples
During our training, we got to see some simple examples of Vital Behaviors:

3 Vital Behaviors for Weight Loss
What are the 3 Vital Behaviors for losing 40 lbs and keeping it off?

1. Weight yourself daily.
2. Eat breakfast.
3. Workout at home.

3 Vital Behaviors for Diabetes
What are the 3 Vital Behaviors to successfully manage Diabetes?

1. Improve diet.
2. Exercise.
3. Monitor.

Knowing the Vital Behaviors improves your focus and your results.  You can maximize your impact by spending your time and energy doing the right actions that lead to the results you want to produce.

My Related Posts

• Influencer Training Day 1
• Influencer Training Day 2
• Six Sources of Influence

Photo by Malkav.

The six sources of influence model is a powerful model for change. I first learned about the Six Sources of Influence from my Influencer Training at Microsoft. The Influencer Training is based on the book, Influencer: The Power to Change Anything , by  Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. The more I walk through the model, the more I appreciate it.

One of the main things I like about the model is that it’s easy to remember and it’s easy to whiteboard. When I whiteboard it for people, I simply make a 2-column table. The one column is motivation and the other is ability. I then slice the table into 3 rows: personal, social, and structural. That’s it. That’s all it takes to frame out and analyze your worst problems that you want to change.

The model scales up and down from changing yourself to changing the world. I’ve included an example of using the Six Sources of Influence to lose weight at the end of this post to help show the model in action. Keep in mind I’m still learning and testing the model, and the best thing is always test things for yourself. You can just use me as a springboard

Six Sources of Influence
Here is a tickler list for thinking about the six sources of influence:

• Source 1 – Personal Motivation – whether you want to do it.
• Source 2 – Personal Ability – whether you can do it.
• Source 3 – Social Motivation – whether other people encourage the right behaviors.
• Source 4 – Social Ability – whether other people provide help, information or resources.
• Source 5 – Structural Motivation – whether the environment encourages the right behaviors.
• Source 6 – Structural Ability – whether the environment supports the right behaviors.

Key Strategies
Here is a tickler list of the key strategies organized by each of the Six Sources of Influence:

You can find out more on the strategies from my earlier notes on Influencer Training Day 2.

Analyze and Execute
Before you make an action plan, you can analyze the Six Sources of Influence.  To do so, you simply walk each source and ask relevant questions.  Similarly you can execute against each source.  This table summarizes how to analyze and execute against the Six Sources of Influence:

Example – Losing Weight with Six Sources of Influence
Here is a quick example of analyzing losing weight using the Six Sources of Influence.

I hope this example helps you see the power of the Six Sources of Influence.  You can substitute whatever resistant or persistent problem you want to change.  Walking the frame will help you quickly see where you can get your best leverage or where you might be stuck the most.  The more you leverage multiple sources the more you set yourself up for success.

My Related Posts

• Influencer Training Day 1
• Influencer Training Day 2
• Is Will a Skill?

How do you get the people on your side or inspire a vision or change the world?  First win the heart.  I’m blogging on this because it’s a lesson I’ve learned that shows up in so many ways, time and again.  I see it in thought leaders.  I see it in people leaders.  I see it in everyday, conversational exchange.  This is one of those ah-ha’s that when it sinks in, you find opportunities to apply it every day to improve your effectiveness.

Connecting at the Heart vs. Connecting at the Intellect
If you connect at the heart, the mind follows. Interestingly,if you connect at the intellect, you may not necessarily get the heart to follow.

Go For the Heart
If you have great ideas, but people aren’t on board, chances are you’ve been ignoring the heart.  Change your approach.  One way to invoke the heart is to address core values: loyalty, commitment and contribution, individual worth and dignity, and integrity.

Example
One of my former leaders is known for inspiring people.  For example, whenever I would tell him about a project, he would first ask me how I was going to change the world and who the dream team would be to make it happen?

While he couldn’t always get me the dream team, he first focused on a compelling vision and that was inspirational.  Where the heart goes, the mind follows.  In fact, in many cases I was able to get the dream team, because of the emotional commitment to make it happen.  Inspired visions trump purely intellectual ones.

Posts with Pictures
While studying effective blogging practices, I noticed a success pattern.  The pattern is to start your post with a picture.  Ironically, I fought this pattern because the engineer in me wants efficient, effective value in text.  So do a lot of engineers.  However, many don’t.

Choosing the right picture can cause your readers to have an emotional reaction to your information, and draw them into your post.  If you don’t believe me, take a look at Alik Levin’s post Glue Audience To Your Presentation With ZoomIt.  Tell me that picture doesn’t get you curious?  While your picture should be relevant, it should also cause your readers to feel something, and have a reaction.  An extreme anti-pattern is to use pictures to trick readers into your posts.

It Works On You
If you know this, you can inspire yourself.  Rather than smart talk yourself into something, try winning over your heart first.  How can you get leverage on yourself?  What inspires you?  Win your heart and your mind will follow.

My Related Posts

• Character Trumps Emotion Trumps Logic
• Influencing without Authority
• Why People Resist Change
• The 10 Best Ways to Persuade

One leadership style doesn’t fit all.  According to the Situational Leadership II model, the leadership style depends on the development levels within the team.  Some people might need more motivation while others need more capability.  A quick cutting question to ask is, “do they want to do it?”  Another question to ask is, “do they know how to do it?”  These two questions can very quickly help you figure out the right approach.  I’m a fan of changing my approach based on what individuals on the team need.  I find this dramatically helps me improve effectiveness given the variety of personalities, skill levels and context I face from project to project.

Key Take Aways
Here’s key take aways:

• Stay flexible in your approach.  While this might sound obvious, I think the important point is to be flexible in your style.  Be able to vary your leadership style by situation (the context) and tailor it to the individual development levels within the team.
• Consider whether to change yourself or find a better fit.  Another consideration is whether it’s more effective to change your approach or change the situation to suit you (set yourself up for success.)  There’s mixed opinions on this and some interesting results, so I may post on this downstream.

Scenarios and Solutions
Here’s a summary of the key scenarios and solutions based on the Situational Leadership II model:

• If there’s high competence and high commitment, use a “Delegating” style which is low support and low directive.
• If there’s high competence, but less commitment, then use a “Supporting” style, which means provide more support and encouragement.
• If there’s low competence and low commitment, then use a “Coaching” style, which provide more direction and support
• If there’s low competence but high commitment, use a “Directing” style, which provides more direction, but less support.

Competence is knowledge and skill for the task.  Confidence is motivation and self-confidence.   I think competence breeds confidence which can help breed and sustain motivation.

The main point is that if somebody has a bunch of competence, get out of their way.  If somebody needs more encouragement, support them.  Ideally, you help somebody get to a high competence, high commitment development level.

My Related Posts

• Situational Leadership II
• Lessons Learned from Ken Blanchard
• The Top 10 Leadership Lessons
• Confidence is Knowing and Going
• Building Trust on Your Teams

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” — Thomas Kempis

If you coach others or you need to encourage change or if you need to change yourself, the key is to use questions.  Lead others to their own insight or your advice may fall on deaf ears. 

You know the saying, "you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink."  Part of the reason is, asking questions puts people into a more receptive state.  

When people have their own "ah has" it actually creates an emotional link.  This helps the insight stick.  The key of course is to ask the right questions.

Are They Motivated
Another reason for asking versus telling is motivation.  Sometimes it’s about skills, but sometimes it’s about motivation.  A way to check motivation is simply to ask, "do you want to ….?" (yeah, it sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how often that can be revealing.)  Another way to check is to ask, "what do you want to accomplish?"

Asking Questions Helps Them Be Resourceful
Another reason for asking questions is you can actually help put people into a more resourceful state.   I use solution focused questions with my teams and myself to get unstuck.  Rather than ask why questions, it’s about shifting to what or how questions … "how can we accomplish that?" … "what would good look like?"  The key to solution focused questions is they are forward looking and they shift tense.  The past is about blame, present is about values, but the future is about opportunity. (See Shift Tense to Resolve Conflict)

My Related Posts
Here are a few of my posts that help elaborate on the point:

• Why People Resist Change
• Leading and Influencing Mindful Change
• Solution Focused Questions

Photo by mush2274

I’m realizing more and more how stories help you drive a point home.  It’s one thing to make a point, it’s another for your story to make the point for you.  If your ideas aren’t sticking, or you’re not getting buy in, maybe a compelling story is the answer.

Stories at Work

Crafting useful stories is an art, and, now, apparently a science.  Srinath pointed me to Stories at Work on 50Lessons.com.    The video shares a story about using stories as a catalyst for change and a recipe for good strategic stories.

Keys to Strategic Stories

• Make stories short (1 -2 minutes) so they can be retained
• Limit stories to no more than 2 or 3 characters, so it’s easy to follow
• Build your story around a singular message.
• Tell your story in the present tense so participants can relate
• Use powerful images to tie to a theme
• Repeat a phrase or word that is the essence of your message

The value of the stories is they help you engage people and they have a more powerful recall than slides, facts and figures.

My Related Posts

• Character Trumps Emotion Trumps Logic
• The 10 Best Ways to Persuade
• Leading and Influencing Mindful Change

"In times of rapid change, experience could be your worst enemy." — J. Paul Getty

Why do people resist change, even when it’s for their own good? Well, believe it or not, your own body can actually work against you. The good news is, if you know how your body works, you can make changes easier, or at least know what to expect. David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz write about two reasons why people resist change, in their article, "The Neuroscience of Leadership", in strategy+business magazine.

Key Take Aways
Here are my key take aways

• Limit the amount of attention you need to make a change. This could include preparing ahead of time, using checklists, chunking up the learning, … etc.  See How To Avoid Task Saturation.
• Find ways to switch from fight-or-flight to thoughtful learning. Controlling your "animal instinct" is an important skill. One way to develop this is a technique from Crucial Conversations called Master My Stories.

A simple way to think about it is reduce friction and help create a glide-path for people to adopt new routines, including yourself.

2 Reasons Why People Resist Change
Rock and Schwartz identify 2 reasons why people resist change:

• Attention effort
• Errors between expectation and actuality

Attention Effort
According to Rock and Schwartz, trying to change a hard-wired habit requires a lot of effort, in the form of attention. Your routine activities and tasks are handled by your basal ganglia which don’t require conscious thought. When try to switch from a routine activity or task to new approach, it requires your prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex supports higher-level processing. It’s your working memory. The problem is, your prefrontal cortex fatigues easily and can only hold a limited set of information "online" at a time.

Habits like how you sell ideas, run a meeting, manage others and communicate are comfortable routines. You could do them blindfolded.  Theses routines are handled by your basal ganglia. It requires a lot of effort in terms of attention to change them. Many people find this feeling uncomfortable.   See Avoid Mental Burnout.

Errors Between Expectation and Actuality
According to Rock and Schwartz , change triggers "error" responses. An error response is when you perceive a difference between expectation and actuality. Your error responses are generated by your orbital frontal cortex. Your orbital frontal cortex responds to errors in expectations (e.g. you expect something to be sweet, but it tastes salty). It is closely connected to your amygdala. Your amygdala is your fear circuitry. It’s where the amygdala hijack happens. The amygdala hijack is the sudden and overwhelming fear or anger response.

The amygdala and the orbital frontal cortex are among the oldest parts of the mammal brain. When they are activated, they draw metabolic energy away from the prefrontal region, which supports higher intellectual functions. You’re in fight-or-flight mode.

What this means is that while you’re trying to make a change, and you need your higher-level processing (prefrontal region) to make that change, you’re busy reacting in your orbital frontal cortex and amygdala, while they are starving your prefrontal region.

My Related Posts

• Avoid Mental Burnout
• Expectation Shapes Reality
• Leading and Influencing Mindful Change

Photo by The Wu’s Photo Land

Why do many leadership efforts and organizational change initiatives fail? The state of the art is not the state of the practice.  Luckily, there are some new insights that can help shape new management practices. David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz summarize some counterintuitive conclusions in their article, “The Neuroscience of Leadership”, in strategy+business magazine.

Key Take Aways
I’m not actually surprised by the conclusions.  I see these conclusions show up in my day to day at Microsoft.  If I were to distill the most important points, I think they are:

• Lead a horse to water.  The most meaningful changes come from within.   It’s more effective and efficient to help others come to their own insights.
• Ask solution-focused questions.  Stay solution-focused rather than dwelling on problems.  See Solution-Focused Questions and Asking Better Questions.
• See the end in mind.  Focus conscious attention on the improved result.  See How To Paint a Future Picture and Step Into Your Future.
• Measure the approach, not just results.  You get what you measure.  More importantly, what you measure, you pay attention to.  Just paying attention to something can open up opportunities for improvement.

Breakthroughs in Cognitive Science
Rock and Schwartz write the following:

Managers who understand the recent breakthroughs in cognitive science can lead and influence mindful change: organizational transformation that takes into account the physiological nature of the brain, and the ways in which it predisposes people to resist some forms of leadership and accept others. this does not imply that management – of change or anything else – is a science. There is a great deal of art and craft in it. But several conclusions about organizational change can be drawn that make the art and craft far more effective. These conclusions would have been considered counterintuitive or downright wrong only a few years ago.

Counterintuitive Conclusions
Rock and Schwartz identify the following conclusions:

• Change is pain. Organizational change is unexpectedly difficult because it provokes sensations of physiological discomfort. (See Working Memory vs. Routine Activity)
• Behaviorism doesn’t work. Change efforts based on incentive and threat (the carrot and the stick) rarely succeed in the long run.
• Humanism is overrated. In practice, the conventional empathic approach of connection and persuasion doesn’t sufficiently engage people.  In theory, the person-centered approach might be an effective solution but there is rarely time to go through this process with employees and guarantee that it will produce the desired results.
• Focus is power. The act of paying attention creates chemical and physical changes in the brain.
• Expectation shapes reality. People’s preconceptions have a significant impact on what they perceive.
• Attention shapes identity. Repeated, purposeful, and focused attention can lead to long-lasting personal evolution.

Additional Resources

• strategy+business
• David Rock
• Jeffrey Schwartz