• Skip to main content
  • Skip to after header navigation
  • Skip to site footer

Sources of Insight

Better Insights, Better Results

  • About
  • Articles
  • Reviews
  • Learn
    • Future Self
    • Personal Development
    • Leadership
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Mental Health
    • All Topics
  • Products
    • Books
    • Courses
    • Free Stuff
    • All Products
  • Resources
    • Book Summaries
    • Great Quotes
    • Greatness Distilled
    • All Resources
  • Contact

Don’t Tell … Ask

by JD
DontTellAsk

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” — Thomas Kempis

If you coach others or you need to encourage change or if you need to change yourself, the key is to use questions.

Lead others to their own insight or your advice may fall on deaf ears.

Lead People to Their Own “Ah-Has”

You know the saying, “you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.”  Part of the reason is, asking questions puts people into a more receptive state.

When people have their own “ah has” it actually creates an emotional link.  This helps the insight stick.  The key of course is to ask the right questions.

Are They Motivated

Another reason for asking versus telling is motivation.  Sometimes it’s about skills, but sometimes it’s about motivation.

A way to check motivation is simply to ask, “do you want to ….?” (yeah, it sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how often that can be revealing.)

Another way to check is to ask, “what do you want to accomplish?”

Asking Questions Helps Them Be Resourceful

Another reason for asking questions is you can actually help put people into a more resourceful state.

I use solution focused questions with my teams and myself to get unstuck.  Rather than ask why questions, it’s about shifting to what or how questions … “how can we accomplish that?” … “what would good look like?”

The key to solution focused questions is they are forward looking and they shift tense.  The past is about blame, present is about values, but the future is about opportunity. (See Shift Tense to Resolve Conflict)

You Might Also Like

Why People Resist Change

Leading and Influencing Mindful Change

Solution Focused Questions

Photo by mush2274

Category: Influence, Interpersonal Skills, Leadership, Social IntelligenceTag: Effectiveness, Influence, Leadership, Motivation

About JD

Previous Post:Time is a Limiting FactorTime is the Limiting Factor
Next Post:Synthetic Happiness: You Can Be Happy No Matter WhatSynthetic Happiness

Sidebar

About the Author

JDI am J.D. Meier. Join me on a quest for the world's best insights and actions for personal greatness. Learn more...

My Best-Selling Book

This is the book that changes lives ...

Become the Greatest Version of Yourself!

Learn better skills fo personal greatness. Stand on the shoulders of giants and awaken your greatness. Realize your human potential through the world’s best insights and actions for mind, body, emotions, career, finance, relationships, and fun.

My Other Sites

  • JD Meier.com
  • Getting Results.com

Topics

  • Personal Development
  • Leadership
  • Productivity
  • Personal Effectiveness
  • Emotional Intelligence
  • All Topics

Features

  • Featured Guests
  • Book Summaries
  • Books I Recommend
  • Great Lessons
  • Great Quotes
  • How Tos
  • Lists
  • Products I Recommend
  • All Resources

Copyright © 2023 · Sources of Insight · All Rights Reserved