Poor Communication is Not the Source of Most Conflicts

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Knowing the source of conflict is one of the first steps to dealing with it effectively.

It’s easy to blame communication as the source of conflict, but it’s not always the case.

In fact, it usually isn’t.

Poor Communication Isn’t the Source of Most Conflicts

For example, communication is the source of conflict when styles get in the way, or there are misunderstandings about intent. Communication is not the source of conflict when it’s things like how your group is structured, personality clashes, or conflict in values. You need to look beyond the simple catch all of “poor communication.”

In the book, The Truth About Managing People…And Nothing But the Truth, author Stephen P. Robbins writes about analyzing sources of conflict.

When Managing Conflict, Look at the Source

Rather than just blame poor communication, look for other potential sources of conflict.

Via The Truth About Managing People…And Nothing But the Truth:

“So when you’re trying to manage conflicts, take a thoughtful look at their source. It’s more likely that the conflict is coming from work-imposed requirements, dissimilar values, or personality differences than it is from poor communication. And that might influence the actions you take to resolve the conflict.

What’s worked for you in dealing effectively with conflict?”

1. Structural Relationships Can Create Conflict

Diverse goals within and across groups can create conflict.

Via The Truth About Managing People…And Nothing But the Truth:

“Organizations create job descriptions, specialized work groups, jurisdictional borders, and authority relationships – all with the intent to facilitate coordination.

But in so doing, they separate people and create the potential for conflicts.

For instance, departments within organizations have diverse goals. … When groups within an organization seek diverse ends, some of which are inherently at odds, there is increased potential for conflict.”

2. Personality Clashes Can Create Conflict

Some personalities just don’t get along.

Via The Truth About Managing People…And Nothing But the Truth:

“Did you ever meet individuals to whom you took an immediate disliking?

Most of the opinions you disagreed with.

Even insignificant characteristics – the way they cocked their head when they talked or smirked when they smiled – annoyed you. We’ve all met people like that.

And many of us have to work with people like this; people whose values or personality clash with our own.”

3. Differences in Values Can Create Conflict

Conflict in values is a common source of interpersonal conflicts.

Via The Truth About Managing People…And Nothing But the Truth:

“So, not surprisingly employees differ on the on the importance they place on general values such as honesty, responsibility, equality and ambition. They also differ on job-related values such as the importance of family over work or freedom versus authority. These differences often surface in work-related interactions and create significant interpersonal conflicts.”

4. Too Much Communication Can Create Conflict Too

It’s called over-communicating for a reason.

Via The Truth About Managing People…And Nothing But the Truth:

“The evidence actually demonstrates that the potential for conflict increases when there is too much communication as well as when there’s too little.

Apparently, an increase in communication is functional up to a point, whereupon it’s possible to over-communicate.

Too much information as well as too little can lay the foundation for conflict.”

Key Take Aways

Here are my key take aways:

Communication is not the real cause of most conflicts. More conflicts tend to come from structural relationships and personal differences.
Structural relationships can create conflict. When groups have competing goals, that’s a setup for conflict. When people face scarcity of resources, turf wars happen. Reporting structures can shift ownership, influence, and authority around in ways that can create conflict.
Personality clashes can create conflict. This is a case where tolerance and thinking techniques can help, but at the end of the day, some people just don’t like each other.
Differences in values can create conflict. You want one thing, somebody else wants another. This is a fairly common source of conflict.
Too much communication can cause conflict. While too little communication cause cause conflict, too much communication can cause conflict too.

Ways to Reduce Conflict Beyond Poor Communication

In my experience, you can reduce conflict by taking away the threats, creating shared goals, and creating more effective boundaries and interactions as needed.

For situations, you can learn to adapt, adjust or avoid, as well as shift tense to reduce conflict.

I also like John Wooden’s advice here, which is basically, it’s OK to disagree, just don’t be disagreeable.

But to reduce conflict, you should know what the actual sources of conflict are.