The Power of the Pause

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl

Do you choose your response or act on impulse?

Impulse says, “eat the M&M” or “pull the lever”, or “hit the snooze button.”

It feels good in the moment. It’s bad for you in the long run.

Why Do We Do It?

If it’s bad for us, why do we do it?

Because it feels good. We’re wired for survival.

It’s basic instinct: Me want food. Me want sleep. etc.

It’s a simple, decision-making process. Your emotions drive you.

That is, unless you …

What is the Power of the Pause?

I created mantra, “The Power of the Pause”, in the early 2000s at Microsoft as a way to help people practice one simple idea:

Respond vs. react.

Create space between the stimulus and the response. Then choose your response.

By choosing your response, instead of reacting you are able to improve your effectiveness in every situation.

But to do that, you first have to build space between the stimulus and response.

So that’s where “The Power of the Pause” comes in.

I found that by teaching people “The Power of the Pause”, it was simple and sticky and helped them remember the idea.

I found it helped me too. I also tried “Hit pause”, but I found people needed to understand the power of the pause.

So by inspiring people to use “The Power of the Pause”, it resonated much better.

Stephen Covey on the Space Between the Stimulus and How You Respond

I based “The Power of the Pause” on an idea from Stephen Covey about creating space between stimulus and response.

Stephen Covey put it like this:

“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose.
Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings.
We may have limited choices but we can always choose.
We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles.
It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.”
— Stephen R. Covey

Stephen Covery had a lot of habits and practices for Emotional Intelligence before EQ was more mainstream.

I remember hearing Covey and thinking, I don’t want to be a slave to my emotions and reactions.

I wanted to experience this freedom that he spoke of.

And Stephen Covey painted a very compelling image of being calm, cool, and collected, like James Bond.

Use the Power of the Pause to Choose Your Best Response

You can choose a more effective response.

Here’s how.

Inject a pause.

Before you react, lay out your options in your mind so you can evaluate them.

Then choose your response, based on what you want to achieve.

How To Use the Power of the Pause to Identify Your Options (Before You Respond)

To figure out your options, ask yourself the following questions:

What do you want to do? (you already know this, but put it out there)
What do you want to achieve? (this changes you from a stuck place to more options)
What does your gut say?
What would be in your best interest?
What would be in your together interest?
What’s the most effective thing to do?

Putting your options on the table helps invoke your best thinking. It breaks the automatic response of just doing what you want.

At the same time, you’re getting input from your emotions, your gut and your mind.

Now you can make a thoughtful response.

Simply put, it’s being mindful. The fact you make it a choice, empowers you.

Ultimately, you have to find what works best for you.

For me, asking “what’s the most effective thing to do?” helps a lot.

How to Practice the Power of the Pause

You can use the Power of the Pause for a variety of scenarios. Here’s some examples:

Breaking a habit.
Starting a new routine.
Changing from emotional reactions to thoughtful responses.

I use the Power of the Pause when I reach for something I shouldn’t eat.

I use it each time I hesitate to hit my treadmill.

I think of it as willful improvement.

Improving Your Effectiveness with the Power of the Pause

Here’s some more information to help improve your ability to choose your best response:

Your thoughts create your feelings. What you think about, changes how you feel. Think about it. How do you feel when you remember the best part of your day? What about your worst?
Changing the question, changes your focus. You can change your focus, by changing the questions you ask yourself. Asking what’s the best thing for you to do is very different than asking yourself what you want to do, or not asking at all.
Prefrontal cortex over fight-or-flight. Our prefrontal cortex is our mental simulator. It helps us think better. It’s an advantage over animals how simply react. But only if we use it.
Don’t let people push your buttons. Whether you’re reacting to insults or trigger words, remind yourself that you can use the Power of the Pause to choose your best response.

As simple as it sounds, injecting a pause can make a huge difference in the quality of your life.

As one of my mentors puts it, “you’re the sum of your decisions.”

What are some simple ways you can use the Power of the Pause to improve your life?

Use the Power of the Pause to Respond Consciously Versus React Impulsively

The Power of the Pause empowers you to choose your responses consciously instead of reacting impulsively.

The Power of the Pause provides the space between a stimulus and your response, allowing you to make more thoughtful and effective decisions.

Inspired by Stephen Covey’s wisdom, this practice encourages you to be in control of your emotions, thoughts, and actions.

By asking key questions and considering your options, you can break habits, initiate positive changes, and enhance your overall effectiveness.

The Power of the Pause is a mindful approach that can significantly improve the quality of your life by shaping your decisions and responses in a more deliberate and empowered way.

And the ironic beaty is the more your day throws your curve balls, the more you get to practice the Power of the Pause.

Is Will a Skill?
When It’s Cold Shiver, When It’s Hot Sweat
Why People Resist Change